14 May Mothers
I have one mother who gave birth to me; she’s my one and only Umme, and yet I have countless other people in my life who take on the role of “mother” whether for a brief moment in time or for decades.
Two of my favorite mothers raised hundreds of children. They were my paternal great-aunts, Chotee and Bhari. Chotee Phuppo and Bhari Phuppo, as they were known, directly translates to little sister on my father’s side and older sister on my father’s side. Everyone called them that until I came along. I referred to them simply as Chotee and Bhari, which then translates to “little” and “big”. Since I adored them and they adored me, they allowed the nicknames to stick.
Chotee and Bhari called themselves spinsters, a very antiquated term that they owned. There was no shame in their lives or the paths they had chosen; both were Indian-Muslim, educated women. Their eldest brother, my Dadaa, believed in the rights of all living souls to be free to choose their journeys and live with dignity. He supported all of his siblings, especially his sisters, to get an education and be learned individuals. Both Chotee and Bhari, with his blessings, earned high school diplomas, college degrees, taught at an all-girls’ private college and Bhari became the headmistress of the college, all while living under British rule in India before 1942.
“They were wonder women in my eyes. Women, who against the odds, persevered and went on to help other girls and women live to their fullest potential. “
When the partition of India came to be, Chotee and Bhari’s suitors decided to stay in India and the aunties decided to migrate to the newly established country of Pakistan; there was no choice in their minds. They simply told the gentlemen, “our hearts are with our family and our new land,” and simply left an area where their lineage had been established for hundreds of years. During a time when most women were told they needed a man to support them, both Chotee and Bhari went against the grain and identified themselves as leaders of a new nation. They were wonder women in my eyes. Women, who against the odds, persevered and went on to help other girls and women live to their fullest potential.
I am surrounded by amazing “mothers”: the dad who lost his wife to cancer but has learned how to apply makeup and do his daughter’s hair; the friend who has lacked a full night’s rest for years because his wife and daughter both have diabetes, and he knows exactly what they need when their numbers are too high or too low; the stay-at-home dad who nurtures his younger kids while his wife can educate our teachers; the yoga instructors who provide a safe space to nurture our souls; the circus director leading a “family” of 400 volunteers and performers to have a good, safe, fast show; the dad who tells his son, during a football game, that it’s okay to cry when you see someone else get hurt; the parents who adopt from near and far so they can love another human being; the vet with PTSD due to a war she might not have supported but has permanently impacted her; the friends who listen to your soul’s secrets without judgement; the civil servant who speaks up on behalf of minority groups and the disenfranchised; the parents who have lost a child and wonder who they can mother now; the furry friends who know exactly how to provide unconditional love and will accept you for who you truly are. And my own Umme having made the decision to leave an abusive marriage after 44 years to proclaim, “I now know what freedom feels like.” Wonder women- all of them!
As you sit amongst Mother Nature on Mother Earth, countless forms of life are surrounding you, mothering you to your fullest potential, and all you have to do is soak in the love, kindness and compassion.
Happy Mother’s Day to all near and far!
-Samita Syed-Needelman
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